Elliot @Elmkast@refactorcamp.org

What's going to happen in 2019?

Almost every "life hack" is worthless in comparison to the difference a good haircut makes.

some foolish person: *tries to expose grifters in own in-group*

grifters: wow can't believe you are GATEKEEPING the MOVEMENT

the most general advice I would give people about politics is this:

Grifters abound.

Even on your side. Probably on your side as much as any other side. Get used to this.

There is no good reason for why we stopped making nuclear plants besides that reality that the US has no interest in being any kind of developmental nation or taking on any kind of big project whatsoever.

Chernobyl (HBO) really drove home to me how safe nuclear really is. Kind of the opposite of what you'd expect

Worth mentioning that he is extremely charismatic. Maybe this is sociopathy or some shit

Recent trip to parents house was a sad reminder that their lives are probably on a real downward turn and I can't do much about it. My brother is going to crash and burn into adulthood and it will kill them

On the off chance I'm wrong it's definitely good for him that I don't live nearby bc I am unable to hide how much I think his adult life is going to Fucking Suck

Worst part is my mom will hear no criticism of him and he's just her angel despite the fact that he puts her through hell every day and is the most emotionally demanding child with no real regard for her feelings. He is an absolute mastermind at manipulating her and I tell him he's a piece of shit for it and he goes like "OK sorry" and then keeps doing it

But like... he comes from a family that doesn't really give a shit about "the kids at school" and certainly me or my sister are never going to respect him for sucking up to dumbass oil baron kids and deleting any semblance of a personality to fit in

He thinks this is totally normal. He has no clue how bizarre he is. It's all a mask to him his friends at school don't know how hard he tries to be like them

He is not interested in ANYTHING besides being well liked. No interest in movies, video games, books, technology, science, or music. He's just a fucking empty box which mimics what the kids at school do. In his free time he has an insane workout regime and is obsessed with his appearance

It's a lot to get into but like, my younger brother (6 years difference) is fuckin weird man. I just had the thought "me and my sister are the good ones and I just hope my brother doesn't ruin my parents life" and sincerely believed it.

Nothing quite like the weight of an insoluble fucked up family situation hitting you full force at 1:47 am.

I have a running theory that any kind of anti-anxiety supplement (including medication) is either a dressed-up drowsy agent or a long-term neurological nightmare.

My experience with CBD is that in order for it to reduce anxiety I need to take it at a high enough dose that I also get drowsy. Sometimes quite drowsy. At which point I realize I could just take benadryl for the same effect.

Like, has good reason to be envious. I was born into a good family with some level of generational wealth and economic prospects in the wealthiest country in the world! I'm young and healthy and not too self-destructive.

So why I feel gross is bc now I look back on the past year and the various problems that I would get so wrapped up in and I see myself LARPing as someone with actual problems...

I got the vibe last night, in having a long conversation with an uber driver, that he was *envious* of me. Like he has two kids, a wife, is from Tunisia, and drives uber. and he was asking me about my studies and what not and was like "man you have a very good life ahead of you, great things man" but he said it in a way that sounded sad. still this morning I'm feeling gross about the whole thing

You know I love Slipknot but Pantera - with four members - has such a heavier sound than Slipknot with like 14 lmao

lets just say I am emotionally solvent

and I say "semi-happy" as opposed to happiness not because I'm less happy than "happy" but bc I have no clue if I'm happy in a sustainable way or if this whole house of cards will come crashing down tomorrow