Some other questions to explore:
What energizes you? What would you like to spend your time on?
If there are gaps between that, and what you know how to get paid for, what specifically are the shapes of the gaps? It's probably better to know details than have it be an amorphous blob of uncertainty. Unless it actually is an amorphous blob of uncertainty when you know more about it.
If you don't know what energizes you, then seek out new experiences until you do.
When you want something better, but are not sure what that would be, it might be worth doing some experiments to find out. What experiments would yield more information?
Also, you might be looking for a person, not a job. Who is the best person in the world, or in the place you live, in the field you want to work in? Is there a way to spend time with them?
The thing about bitterness is that when feeling bitter, everything feels like a dead end, but it is bitterness that is the dead end. There are probably possibilities obscured by looking through the lens of bitterness.
Noticing developing bitterness is a good skill.
Whenever I start feeling bitter, it's usually a sign that I need to change something. I can sometimes compensate for the bitterness lens, and think through things to get somewhere better emotionally, and in day-to-day life.
montrealers using "y'all" in place of "vous" have my heart
northern spy apples, painted by elsie e. lower, 1904
Emotional abuse is not something people in this society are taught to spot. The books I just mentioned were not available even 10 years ago.
It's the sort of thing that does feel terrible to witness, and to realize. However, not spotting it sooner is not so much a reflection on you, personally, but rather an indication of how much our society fails to recognize and adequately deal with this issue, IMHO. At least, that's what I tell myself when I feel similarly.
The books by Patricia Evans and Sandra Brown were the ones I found most useful. However, there were some others that helped give more context and perspective, including:
Why Does He Do That?
Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
by Lundy Bancroft
When Men Batter Women
by John Gottman (who runs a marriage lab)
by Mark Greene (many of these essays available on his blog)
A lot of these books assume a heterosexual relationship with the man as abuser, because that's what's most common. But a lot of the information in them can also be applied to homosexual relationships, or when the woman is abusive.
Sandra Brown does have a book specifically about women though.
"How to Avoid Dating Damaged & Destructive Women" by Sandra L. Brown
Another book that I wish I'd read years ago, especially when my friends were starting to date, is "Women Who Love Psychopaths" by Sandra L Brown
It talks about the perspective of the people who have relationships with psychopaths, rather than focusing on the psychopaths or sociopaths themselves.
Some patterns I'd seen my friends go through became more clear when I read this book.
The best book I've read on this topic is "The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change?" by Patricia Evans.
It says that abuse takes the form of wanting to define another person's subjective reality. "You need to do this" "You feel this."
The abuser has the delusion of knowing what is in another person's internal world without asking.
The appendix is the most important part of the book - I recommend going through and underlining statements you've heard.
pecans, painted by ellen isham schutt
@Elmkast Speaking as an econ major, I’m sad to report that imho the best reason to learn economics is to learn how its assumptions and ideal scenarios don’t match up with observed reality.
Also, In climate where we’re told to leave the running of things to the experts, there’s also a certain brutal clarity of vision in asking things like “my parent’s generation had houses at my age, why don’t we have houses?”. Naive, concrete questions can cut through layers of complex ideological obfuscation.
Half-formed thought about how all the small towns in the American interior, that are dying because their one factory or one mine closed down, are the American equivalent of the old European empires' resource-extraction colonies, which (as opposed to their settlement colonies) were set up as giant single-crop plantations, never got any infrastructure investment or economic diversification, and remained some of the poorest places in the world even after they achieved independence
fun fact: a resident of montreal lives under six levels of government
james todd strawberries, painted by amanda almira newton, 1914
Here's a whole category of ephemera I'd never even considered: seed catalogs
Am trying to start a company reading group and thought to init it with some Boyd and OODA material. (Due to all the folk w/ aviation backgrounds) Anyone care to give feedback? (either on writing or seeding group interest) I’ve enabled commenting. (https://bit.ly/2MQvHtP)
The first bit is just copy paste from T.Pearson’s pdf but I have some of my own stuff below it. The goal is to successfully spark the candle of a slow burn.
Gentle reminder that being "self-sufficient" and a "self-starter," and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, and even just living on your own and expected to be able to do everything for yourself, is actually a highly unnatural state of affairs for human beings which only became the norm in a small number of countries less than a century ago.
this little one right here did a good job...I'm proud of her
Early unit of computing power: one "kilogirl" was equivalent to a thousand hours of manual computing labor
Eavestroughs of chaos
Funneling beauty into
Following strange paths
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